This is a plea for help hav u ever had the worst day? have people on here ever made you cry? Sometimes I wish?

God have never let me have birth and life of suffering. Told recently mom dying 6 months..she hates me I feel and I can't seen to fix it. Aunt's funeral yesterday..cried several times..then awfgul things happened and then I overheard extrememly mean comments by family members that hurt me repreatedly through the years. then brother and sister in law told me another mean thing a sister said yesterday that angered and shocked them. Apaperntly another brother sdaid something but I could not promise him I would say nothing so don't find out what that was. Mom sas usuall defends the mean ones and then could not sleep so upset up all night talked to suicde prevention 2 hours and she agreed it was very mean she tried to motivate me to go back to teaching I confessed I lost licence due to two small shoplifting incidents due to extreme poverty and asked question about teaching license on here and people said they would never want their kids around me and I busted out crying